Let’s be honest. Dating is kind of terrifying. You’re trying to make a great first impression, seem relaxed but also interesting, all while your heart is going gymnastics in your chest.
If just the thought of a date makes you feel like you’re about to do a presentation in front of the whole world, you’re not alone. Dating anxiety is real and very normal. And an even better fact? You can work through it.
Whether you’re preparing for a first meetup or about to try a dating app for the first time, these seven tips can help you calm down and actually enjoy the process.
1. Know What You’re Nervous About
Anxiety is way less scary when you can name it.
Are you afraid of awkward silences? Do you worry you won’t be liked? Or are you just scared of saying something stupid? Write it down.
When you see your fears on paper, you will realise that a lot of them are irrational or can be fixed with a little preparation. And if your biggest fear is small talk, take some time to prepare a few go-to questions or topics beforehand.
2. Reframe Everything
Instead of thinking, “I have to try my best to impress this person,” try thinking, “I’ll be myself and see if I like them.”
A date is not an audition. You’re both evaluating each other. You’re both figuring out if you like each other enough to move forward. Shifting the power dynamic and keeping it balanced can help you feel more in control and less nervous.
This mindset is especially helpful in speed dating, where conversations have to be quick and short.
3. Wear a Comfortable Outfit
Sure, the kind of clothes you wear depends on the occasion. But if you’re only wearing something that you think your date wants to see, it might worsen your anxiety.
Comfort brings confidence. You could wear a cool jacket, your favourite boots, or your lucky socks. Anything that makes you feel grounded and real.
4. Practice a Lot
You don’t have to practice for the date specifically. You could just start a small talk with your barista, make a joke with your friends, or say hi to someone at the gym.
It’s about reminding yourself that social interaction isn’t a big deal. The more you practice talking to strangers, the less scary and intense it will feel when you’re finally meeting your date.
5. Breathe
Deep breathing works by signalling to your nervous system that you’re safe. This reduces anxiety and helps you not blank out mid-conversation.
Try box breathing by inhaling for 4 seconds, holding that breath for another 4, and exhaling. Repeat this three times in the car before you walk into the cafe.
6. Don’t Take It Too Seriously
It’s just one conversation with one person. If it goes well, then it’s all good. If it doesn’t, now you have a funny story to tell your friends.
Putting pressure on yourself to find your soulmate every time you meet someone will make your anxiety worse. It’s okay if things are a little awkward – that’s human.
7. Keep Showing Up
This might be the hardest tip of all, but also the most important. The only way to really beat dating anxiety is to keep dating.
Celebrate your progress. If you managed to go on a date without cancelling last minute, that’s a win. If you made eye contact and asked a question, that’s another.
Confidence builds in layers, not all at once.